One of the most poignant moments in all my years of coaching women going through this incredible journey of in-fertility, was when I gave a woman permission to be sad. When I said the words ‘it is okay to be sad’, I could actually feel her relief over the phone. It was what she needed to hear. The relief of giving up the battle of what she felt versus what she thought she was supposed to feel. For her, being given permission to be authentic with herself and feel her sadness was an amazing gift and the gratitude was palpable.
In this culture, we are taught that when we fall, we brush off our knees, get up and go back into the fray. This is practical for many things in life, such as in sports scrambling for the goal or in our professional life pushing for the promotion. But in our attempts at creating the child we so desire, it does not allow the ebb and flow that is innate with this process, just like in nature with the rise and fall of the moon has an innate relationship with the tides. There is a time for movement; the energy of Yang. And there is a time for stillness; a characteristic of Yin. Within that stillness we can feel what we need to feel, to process what needs processing, or to discern and receive the lessons or jewels within.
Why do we need to allow ourselves to fully feel the sadness or the loss? Because it exists. It simply is. Not honoring the sadness or loss allows this energy of emotion to get stuck in our bodies. Some say this is where all disease starts – the blocking of energy when we want ebb and flow.
Some of the clients I work with are fearful of allowing the sadness or loss to fully engage in their heart – that it might be unbearable. But the opposite is true. Holding in those feelings suffocate the heart energies, and make us feel isolated and fearful. Fully feeling the sadness allows it to pass! To move out of the body! When it calls, allow an opening for sadness. So there is more room for hope, love and joy.